What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:13
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I have no regrets .
All the time i was locked up.
Which type of physical cable has fastest transmission speed?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was seconnd youngest,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She married twice! .
Im still living with it.
Would you date a Muslim guy? Why/why not?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He knew the spot.
I was very sick at this time too.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Solid Rock Caught Flowing 1,700 Miles Beneath Surface in Experimental First - ScienceAlert
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What did i know ?
How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So whats the point in blame.
I said to her
When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why did i forgive my father ?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Who then, do I blame.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We were not on the streets..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So, i spoilt her more .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I don,t even have a pension.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But, we were locked up after school.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I waited trembling.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I could never make a relationship work though!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
This is soul school!.
I was 9 years of age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I will be 64.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She wouldn,t have been !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But it wasn’t much.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My life is so biszare .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was scared of men, in general
As i do to all so called friends.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When she asked me how she looked .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I think the readers, may guess!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ive learnt so much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She found it foreign!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Would this be the day?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot live in the past .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.